"Is it Monday Already"

A few months ago the phrase “its Monday already” meant absolutely nothing to me! I loved my job, loved my colleagues, and loved my life…well maybe not the pay lol. It’s no secret that pay and experience are my two main reasons for moving up North. I still love what I do (even though I’m not being used properly) and I’m enjoying my colleagues (too soon to use the L word) but I’m not happy with my life (story of my blog right). Today is my Monday, I left my adoring family this morning, drove up 4 plus hours and came into work. Clearly the day has been simple as I have time to write this and watch my all-time favorite fights (Starbucks if you can tell me which fight it is). Tonight I find myself wondering yet again if I made the right move, again I sell myself that yes indeed I did. This weekend my best friend and only lady brought to attention the basic facts that although the station isn't using me the way I feel I should be, my resume is going to be what I make of it not how the station used me. I need to redirect my focus on life, I need to use this free time wisely! Getting in shape is a must and although I’m doing well, I’m not where I should be. I started strumming the guitar again and it feels good so I will keep that up. Most importantly I will be looking at going back to school and finish up with my teaching credentials. I’m sure I will have time to study. My weekend was great, driving home at midnight after a long work day was as good as it got! No traffic and best of all the best bed I've ever had, it was filled with my loving lady and beautiful baby! Got a clean cut the next day and took care of business, picked up my Sweet Pea from school and hearing her yell “daddy, daddy” was perfect! It’s only been a month since I left but seeing my second family in Bakersfield was great! They of course welcomed me with open arms and thoughtful comments. Had fun with the kids and had…..Chinese (if you don’t know, you don’t know me). Saturday was just as great! Good dinner with my best friend who was going to have dinner with Dani (not knowing I was in town) to see how she was doing and to make sure she knew he was just two hours away if she need him. (That’s a best friend) spent some much needed alone time with Dani, we love our kids but every couple need time alone. Leaving this morning was really tough. After a weekend that was great it comes to my attention that Monday is no longer just another day for me but a question! Is it Monday already?

A father's love

Life is hard for everyone. My life for the next few months maybe years (2 at most) will now fall into that category. I never once before thought my life was hard or one to complain about but, the recent move has changed that. It's not hard like many people I know. I still have my legs, hand and mind (most of it) but it hard in the sense that this move has taken my most prize possession, my kids. I know they are still mine and I am their father but not being able to see them on a daily basis is pretty much the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Writing them a song or using face time is no where near enough! I miss them plain and simple! By the looks of things I will get to see them every other weekend but to me (or any father) that's not enough. unfortunately I have no other choice at this point. I made a decision to move forward in my career and I have to live with it. my choice wasn't made out of fear or stupidity but more out of love, love for my children! people have asked me "how is this love for them?" It's easy the economy is crap and my skills are great in photography but I simply wasn't making enough! I was making enough to stay afloat and who really wants to do that? I would have stayed in Bakersfield had i was given a fair raise which I felt I deserved. I mean after all I am an Emmy award winning photographer right?(sorry not sorry that I keep plugging that) unfortunately my station (which whom I love) couldn't afford it (or didn't feel I was worth it) so move I did. This move is a long term goal not a short term fix, I know that but my kids don't understand it. I will return and my kids will have their father back full time but until then I just wish they knew that this move is one of a father love!

The Move

My life for the most part has been an easy life. Sure I’ve had to overcome some thing and I have made some stupid choices in my life. Living in Lamont CA for the better part of my life is something I am very proud of. I know some people who lived there, move out but some way they always find their way back home….even if just for a visit. In 2011 I finally moved out…6 miles north to Bakersfield Ca. I know it’s not a huge move but in a small way it really was. My weekly games of basketball seem to fade away like track on a John West album. Things changed and like most people changed scared me. I wasn’t sure what the outcome was going to be. The move was big as I went from a single father of one to family man of four (his 1, hers 2, and ours 1). With a growing family meant growing expenses and my once seemingly big enough check quickly become too little. After a few years of “surviving” I updated my website and started looking for work in a “bigger” market. Quickly calls came in for my services. I was humbled by the interests and although my plan was to get more money where I had been for almost 10 years (I guess freelance years don’t count). I had to take a job in “nearby” Sacramento Ca. The move came up quickly and although I have a supportive women behind me, it hasn’t been easy. Sleepless nights, crying over my kids and lady. It’s ben short of one month and so far it has not been what I was hoping for. At this point I only hope to grow as photographer. I keep telling myself this is a move needed for the better of my family in the long run. One day I hope to look back and see that I was right.